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This story appeared in Roger Clark's newsletter, Fairburn Collector and Trader, September 2004. Being a woman myself and only a rockhound for about three years now, I found it quite humorous. It pretty much describes the frustrations I also had hunting for fairburns. I asked Roger if I could put the story on the website so others who do not get the newsletter, can read and laugh along with it too. Thanks Evonne for your humor!

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CATEGORY F4: Frustrations of Finding Your First Fairburn

by Evonne Evans

If Fairburns were food...I'd starve to death.
If finding Fairburns earned you a degree...I'd still be in preschool.
If finding Fairburns were your only source of energy..I'd be sleeping.
If Fairburns were natural teeth...I'd need dentures.
If Fairburns were a source of currency...I'd be broke.
Are you catching my drift?

I know that many of you remember or have experience some frustration in finding your first Fairburn. Since I have earned a master's degree in this category, Roger Clark asked me to share some of my experiences with you. Let's face it, for those of you who know me, I'm just a Fairburn crazed Wisconsin girl who would just like to find a "real Fairburn!" I've licked more rocks in South Dakota than I have kissed my husband! (For some, that may be your preference!)

I've been a rockhound since I can remember, but in Wisconsin there's not much to find...at least not like here in South Dakota. (Believe it or not, I never knew what a Lake Superior agate was until a few years ago!) So...being married to a man born in Deadwood and raised in Rapid City, who has family and friends he likes to visit....I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Enter frustration #1.

FRUSTRATION #1:

Husband is from South Dakota but is not the least bit interested in rocks or hunting for them.

About five years ago, my sister-in-law sent me Roger's book and a poster for my birthday. I read it cover to cover and spent hours gazing at the photographs, thinking what a thrill it must be to find one of those! I knew right then what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go on our next vacation. OK, now how can I get this to happen? Well..two of Chuck's long-time good friends are rock hunters who still reside in South Dakota. So, one time when Chuck phoned them, I kind of snuck in and asked if they would like to go rock hunting sometime. THE SEED WAS PLANTED! Chuck proceeded to give me the "old frowned" look with his eyes saying "don't you have something better to do?" He then continued on with his conversation.

As summer approached, we finally connected with his two friends. When they asked me if I was serious about rock hunting, I swear my heart stopped! Chuck replied, "Well maybe..for a half hour or so." Yeah, right!!!<

FRUSTRATION #2:

Where the heck do you find them? I studied Roger's book, looked at maps and marked them and remembered that someone said, "Don't dare step on private land or they'll shoot you!" BLM land and the grasslands were OK. Are they the same? No parks allow hunting and definitely..NO BADLANDS! OK. Now what?

Luckily at the right time, an angel that works at the Wall rock shop by the name of Cheryl introduced me to a book by June Zeitner that actually shows you WHERE TO HUNT FOR AGATES! I couldn't believe it! I purchased that TREASURE HUNT BOOK! You know what was going on in my mind for the next vacation...IN SEARCH OF! One problem still remained...in Wisconsin, a gate or a fence usually indicates private property and you NEVER cross them...hmmm!

FRUSTRATION #3:

Is this a Fairburn? After dragging my poor husband to almost every location in June's book, I came home with three buckets full of rocks. I've learned now that most of them were leaverites and prairie agates...of course, no Fairburns. Do they exist? I wonder how many I've walked over. I really thought that if I stared at them long enough, maybe they would change or maybe I'd see something that I may have missed before. But NO! We have now started a nice rock garden around the house (a Nonfairburn graveyard).

Chuck and I knew we needed some more education and information so we visited every rock shop we could find, asking all kinds of questions about the mesmerizing agate. Everyone seemed to say the same thing, "Yeah, they're hard to find but there are still some out there!" GOOD..MORE INCENTIVE! We also learned about Fairburn banding and what makes the Fairburn different from the other agates. 'IF YOU HAVE TO ASK...IT ISN'T!.

FRUSTRATION #4:

What do you actually need for hunting? Since most days are sunny in South Dakota, I was smart enough to bring sunscreen along. What we learned the hard way though was, to really visualize and evaluate banding patterns, it is best for the rock's surface to be wet. Well, on a hot sunny day, spit only goes so far so WATER is a good thing..for you to drink and for cleaning off the rock's surface. Enter the water spray bottles. Industrial is best!

CONTRADICTION: Some say Fairburn hunting is great when it rains because the rocks are wet and Fairburn patterns are easier to see - but stay away from the gumbo! What's gumbo? I found out that it's that gray-tan dust when it's dry, but when it's wet, if you walk in it you will develop FRANKENSTEIN FEET in about five minutes and you will need a sledge hammer to remove it when it dries. As far as your car, plan on staying a few days. There is something else about the "gumbo" that is quite amazing. Sometimes it's invisible! Case in point: There may be a surface rock that you would like to examine that is not in sand but kind of grouped together in the rock bed. Go try to pick it up. BEWARE! I just about broke my toe and ruined my shoes trying to kick a rock loose. THE INVISIBLE GUMBO GLUE RULES! Enter the screwdriver! What is it about this gumbo that attracts those KAMAKAZI FLIES and the rattlesnake sounding grasshoppers! I'm really beginning to think I'm just South Dakota fly food! They especially show their affection for me when I'm bending over. I now use DEET 29. I'm not worried about the mosquitoes...(Come on! I'm from Wisconsin!) but those BLASTED FLIES! Can't they find a lonely cow chip!

FRUSTRATION #5:

I had an "up close and personal" with a five-foot bull snake that scared me half to death. My husband's friend made me go to the Reptile Gardens to learn about my new roommates. After talking to Shirley H, we now own snake guards or wear jeans and tall boots. If we feel confident that we will be safe, we wear a good threaded boot or hiker shoe. Flip-flops don't cut it! Again, after accumulating cactus porcupine feet, I seem to only learn the hard way. Tennis shoes work very well if you like skiing down formations and seeing what your kneecaps look like under the skin. Stick to the guards, tall boots or knobby souls, use a stick to announce your presence and look and listen for the forked tongue critters!

All in all, these may be frustrations, but not deterrents. Every time I find myself having to leave South Dakota to go home, I get a terrible sinking feeling in my heart. What the true treasure is are all the wonderful people we have met along the way.. and continue to meet, that we leave behind. But, in an instant I can smile. Because in a short period of time, I know I will be back to do it all over again.

Thank you....Dean, Vernon, Roger, Cheryl, Glenn, June, Jim and Jane and all our new friends.